Riding The Carousel

It seems as though aging is like riding a merry-go-round. Sometimes we are feeling like life is simply going round and round in circles. At other times we feel like we have the most powerful horse in the world and can accomplish anything we want to. There are even times when we can reach up and grab the gold ring, after many passes at the brass one.

Aging and getting through the various stages of life is not, in my opinion, like the advertisers want us to believe. No more am I running through fields of daisies. No more am I dashing into the surf at a beautiful beach. No more am I eating everything and anything I want.

I am now much more conscious of the variety of flowers in my garden and the beautiful bees and birds that visit them. I am much more aware of how hard I worked raising two children and working in the ER for many hours every week and how hard my son's and their wives are working raising their young families.  I am much more aware of how I must conserve my strength the day after a young grandchild returns home after spending the day and night with us.

And yet, I try my best to ride the carousel daily. By swimming a lot, eating well, reading more than ever, visiting the local parks and seeing friends, I have found that even though the gold ring does come up occasionally, I am content with the brass one on a daily basis.

How about you? Are you riding your carousel in a good way?

DOMA and the LGBT book

Even though I published the LGBT edition of Caring Is Not Enough a few years ago, there are many updates to the information. As with any individual who is married or single, aging or youngish, gay, lesbian or straight, there are many questions that need to be addressed.

LGBT relationships require more information be documented for the sake of the partner left behind. Are you married? Is the marriage recognized by the state in which you live? Where are the documents stating such? Do you have children? Do you have children together? Are they adopted? etc, etc, etc.

It is very important that the following article be read and then it is very important, if you are in an LGBT relationship, you get our LGBT edition of Caring Is Not Enough and fill it out: www.caringisnotenough.net

Same-sex marriage: Windsor v. US

By Bankrate.com

Edie Windsor, a resident of New York, had legally married Thea Spyer in Canada in 2007 after the two had lived together as a couple in New York for more than 40 years. Two years after marrying Windsor, Spyer passed away leaving her estate to her wife. Windsor was forced to pay $363,000 in federal taxes on Spyer's inheritance. Had their marriage been accorded the same status under federal law as a different-sex marriage, Windsor would have paid zero dollars in federal taxes. The lawsuit argues that the Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA, violates the equal protection guarantee of the U.S. Constitution by recognizing and honoring marriages of different-sex couples, but not honoring the legal marriages of same-sex couples. In the case, Windsor seeks a refund on the taxes she was forced to pay as well as federal recognition of her legally valid marriage.

In Windsor v. United States, the Supreme Court determined Section 3 of DOMA was unconstitutional on June 26, 2013.

Read more: http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/general/news/2013/03/20/57447/marriage-equality-at-the-u-s-supreme-court/#ixzz2XYAYqWGe

Follow us: @Bankrate on Twitter | Bankrate on Facebook

The Aging Game

This month I will celebrate my 70th birthday.

I have been repeatedly asked how I would like to celebrate the day. Giving some thought to the idea, I have decided that it would most appropriate if I spent the day remembering how it felt to be 20, 30, 40, 50 and 60. I can just sit by the pool with a cool drink and contemplate the fact that I have had such a fine life. I have a great family and wonderful friends. I have reached pinnacles in my career and then moved on from them. I love being semi-retired, but then I love to think about how much fun I have when I am busy working. Reaching certain ages signals some review of how one wants to spend their next years.

Do I want to travel more? I would like to see more of the world, but I am really not willing to go through the trouble of plane travel. After all, I have been many places and done so in relative comfort.

Do I want to sit on the beach? Oh yes, I love that. I have been to many beautiful beaches and enjoyed every one of them. But I can get in my car and be at the beach in an hour. OK, it isn't warm there, but it is the ocean.

Do I want to spend more time with our grandchildren? Oh, you bet! But now the 10 & 12 year olds are busy with their activities and friends..I am glad we still have a baby and a 2 1/2 year old who love having me in their lives. And I have to say, when we are done playing, I am tired!

Do day trips and overnights appeal? Yes...I think that is the way to go. Then when we have visited all of the beautiful sights that California has to offer, I can sleep in my own bed and not eat out at so many wonderful restaurants.

I love to read and garden and swim. I love to watch a good movie and cook a different meal. I love my home and everything in it. I love my spouse.

Aging is swell, if you take care of yourself and those who love you. Simply and with love.

Can I have my cake and ice cream now, please? Oh, and a glass of champagne would be perfect!

A New Day, A New Life

Mother's Day was spent with our dear son, his wife and their children. We watched a great soccer game, and then came to our home to swim and visit. We talked about so many things...how the kids have grown so much and so quickly, how the baby would be coming so soon for our other son and his wife and what it is like to be grandparents. It is one of the great joys of life. We get to give all of the love, get as many hugs and kisses as we want and then send them home!! We get to watch our children parent...what a joy that is. It is truly the fruit of our parenting that comes out when our children parent. We can see how they handle things differently and how right they might be. We watch the children respond, and know that all is well in their world.

Today we had another joyful day. Our second son's wife gave birth to their second child, a robust 8 pound 1 ounce boy. No name yet!

It was wonderful to receive the information immediately from them along with pictures! How times have changed.

And aren't we lucky!

Enough Is Enough!

Have you noticed how absolutely terrible the news has been lately? Well I have and I have decided that enough is enough. No news is good news. Why should I spend my time listening to "news porn" when I could be doing something productive? The talking heads on the news channels seem to be extra delighted when a devastating event occurs...it gives them more time to talk. And speculate. And say things that are tucked inside their heads that will keep you addicted to the story.

So I am concentrating on something different. I am going to teach myself a new language. No, wait. I will learn to make a better mousetrap. Hold it! I can try my hand at a souffle or perhaps a flan. Yes, that's it. That's the ticket. A flan. Then I can eat it. While I watch the news. Arggggg.....

Talk, Talk, Talk!

                                         

Yesterday, I was the guest on an internet radio show, "Be a Healthy Caregiver." It was fun, and I hope informative.

Click here to listen to the 30-minute show.

Listen to my BlogTalk Radio interview on Tuesday, April 30

I'll be interviewed by Chris MacLellan on his radio show, Be a Healthy Caregiver, on Tuesday, April 30.

We talk about my workbook and issues related to having "the conversation" about end-of-life planning.

Click here at 10am PT (1pm ET) on Tuesday to listen in...how prepared are you and yours are for dealing with a crisis?

You never know...

My son and grandson

We have all experienced a terrible week. We are all saddened by the events in Boston, Mass. and the events in West, Texas. We mourn the deaths of so many innocents and the traumas of so many others. We feel great empathy for those who survived these atrocities and know that their lives are now forever changed. We know that the families of those gone and those broken will never be the same. And at the same time, we realize that it could have been any one of us in their stead.

Death and injury have no reason. Young and old alike are just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It is, quite simply, chance. We must now continue to live our lives and be ever more vigilant. We must befriend those who may need a helping hand and reach out to those who seek a hand to hold.

Remember to make sure all of your pertinent information is in place, filled out and ready in the time of need. We can help you do this with our Caring Is Not Enough workbook. Please do this for yourself and your family.

Because, you never know.

Team sports can prepare your child for the game of life

Today my husband and I got to watch our granddaughter's first soccer game of the season. Proudly, I tell you that she is on the State A Team. We have watched her play soccer since she was 7 years old.

When she was little, she and her teammates held hands and danced in circles around the field. Now it's a much more serious game. These A-level players are tough! And I mean tough! They show no hesitancy in aggressively running into the girls on the other team. They twist and turn and take head shots and elbow jabs like the pros. It's amazing how effectively they use footwork and how powerfully they pass the ball to each other.

It's truly a great idea to have youth in team sports. They learn that there's no "I" in team. They put their faith in each other. They play with all different kids from all different backgrounds and nobody even notices any differences. They cheer each other on and console each other. They are preparing for the game of life, where being an active participant is the important thing....not standing on the sidelines. Exploring, experiencing and enjoying the great exercise and team spirit.

I only wish that we'd had those opportunities when we were kids, but there were no organized team sports back then. Perhaps if there had been, our world would be a more compassionate place.

Did you play team sports when you were a kid? Did you like it? Do you feel it gave you the ability to work better as a team player in your chosen field? Let us know.

Living to be 101 years old...do you have a spring in your step?

Peppermint Stick Amaryllis

When I begin to see the return of the beautiful amaryllis that we planted years ago, I know that spring has really arrived. The air is rich with pollen and fresh new green leaves are on the trees. The daffodils have come and are now withering on their stalks. They still have that pretty yellowish glow about them, though. Squirrels are busy and the birds are everywhere. And that's when I begin to think about families.

This week, I had a 1982 video put onto a DVD. It was from my grandfather's 101st birthday party. He is there in all his glory, smiling and joking with his great-grandchildren. He was in a wheelchair, but he did stand up for about half a minute. Grandpa was a kick. He had a full head of white hair. He was bright and well-read...he said he stayed that way by memorizing long epic poems, like Beowolf...that impressed me! He also wrote dirty limericks for Playboy well into his 90s! Grandpa always had a little limerick ready when someone asked him a question. He was like a real leprechaun. It's so great that I was able to preserve the video tape on DVD. How far we have come!

Think about what you are doing for your family on a daily basis...but not just by working, earning money and cooking meals. Do you do jigsaw puzzles or read a lot?  Do you go to your local library for classes and lectures? We do crossword puzzles, read loads of books, play gin rummy and Scrabble. We are hoping that these types of challenge will train our brains enough to make sure we are cogent when we get into our 90s. We are trying hard to keep in good physical shape  by swimming and going to the gym, so we'll be here longer for our family.

How about you? What do you do on a daily basis to help get you to the age of 101?

Why it's important to think about emergency and end-of-life planning

As difficult as it is to think about all the "what if" scenarios for your family...what if one of us gets sick, what if one of us gets injured, what if one of us dies...it's oh so much more difficult to have to figure out tons of logistics in the midst of an emergency or when you are overcome with grief and emotion.

How much easier it would be if all those logistics were just written down for you in a handy workbook!

If you're the one who is expected to handle everything, you'd know right where to find important files and documents, you'd have all the passwords you need, you can figure out what to do about the dog or the house alarm, you'd know what bills need to be paid and where the spare keys are...not to mention all the details that go into someone's medical care, legal obligations, and wishes for final arrangements.

We listed out over 150 things in the Caring Is Not Enough workbook that need to be dealt with in the event of a "what if" scenario, to make it easier for families to be prepared. We'd like to share several comments from people who have bought and used the workbook. We hope their stories will help you think about your own story.

My husband died suddenly a few years ago, and the only thing he had done was to name me as a beneficiary on his IRA. I am a cancer survivor, so I put together an advanced healthcare directive and provided formal instructions for the care of my minor children. I find your guidance helpful in completing my remaining tasks. It's so overwhelming to lose someone - I don't want my sons to have the headaches of the logistics of a loved one dying.

My husband and I are very lax and big procrastinators. Your book makes the work easier to present to my husband.

I am getting remarried and this book will make everything so much easier for our children.

After losing my mom and dad within two years, what a mess! I do not want my children to go through what we had to.

I'm going on 85 and my kids would go crazy looking for any of my records. Thank you for making me wake up.

I've been thinking about organizing my papers and making final arrangements. I'm only 52 years old, but my parents made their wishes known and were very organized. It really helped us when they died, it's such an emotional time anyway.

As a fellow nurse, I work in hospice care and every day I see how quickly death can create chaos for the living.

I just returned from 10 days of emptying and sorting through my in-law's home of 30 years. Pictures with no names or dates, checks from over 20 years ago, receipts for fine jewelry that nobody knows anything about. I am not putting my daughters through that.

Though my parents are alive, their march toward 90-years-old is quickening and I am finding it to be a great challenge to make sense of their financial situation while they are still around to answer my questions.

I am in a mess since my husband had a major stroke over a year ago and I was left in the dark about almost everything. He is 77 and I am 76 and in very bad health myself - I need all the help I can get.

When my mother passed away, my sister and I searched for three days before we found her will. I don't want my children to have to do that!

Last year, my 49-year-old healthy husband died suddenly of a heart attack. I have 4 children living at home and every day I tell myself I have to get things in order. I don't want them to go through what I am having to do.

The benefits of dogs

This week we have added a member to our family. Well not really, she is just visiting, but we have learned to really love her.

She is an eight year-old Goldendoodle named Ollie. When our son asked us to take care of Ollie the first time, it was only for a couple of days, which was nice. This time it is for ten days and I am really beginning to feel she is a part of our lives.

Ollie is big. She's at least 75 pounds which means she's almost always underfoot and she follows me into the kitchen each time I go there. And it is not a big kitchen!

The great part though, is that Ollie is not a nuisance and she loves to be loved. She gallops over to sit by me on the couch, and with one giant hop, the couch is taken over. She snuggles up and feels warm next to me.

Ollie has given my husband a whole new job, almost six years after retirement. He now walks the dog at the local reservoir, meets new dog owners and their pups, and picks up her doggie business. He happily brushes and feeds and waters the dog...no problems there. Ollie sleeps soundly all night, but having her sleep on the bed...oy!

When we wake up, we think Ollie. Throughout the day, we think Ollie. When we go to bed, we think Ollie. What will keep us occupied when Ollie goes back home?

I am not sure, but I do know one thing. I love other people's dogs, especially Ollie. We will miss her when this dog-sitting stretch is over. Do you have a dog?

Getting organized: Make the most of small spaces

Don't throw the cabinet out with the curios...if you have grown weary of looking at your collection of shot glasses or figurines, think twice about how you can re-use the display cabinet before you pack everything up.

Narrow-depth shelves and cabinets are really handy for organizing lots of small items from office supplies to seasonings to cosmetics. Whether it's wall-mounted or freestanding, a shelf unit that's less than 8" deep fits just about anywhere. A friend gave me this 5-feet tall narrow black cabinet from Ikea that originally had a glass door, designed to hang on the wall. It's only 1-foot wide and 6" deep, which meant I could put it right next to the doorway of my studio without blocking the entrance into the room.

I took off the glass door, set the unit on the floor, and secured it to the wall. It holds all my paints and other art supplies and now it's so easy to see every color and type of paint I have on hand. And by the way, the glass door has a really nice black wood frame, giving it tons of potential for being altered and turned into an art piece.

There are so many skinny spaces in the home - near a door, in a hallway, between two windows, over the commode - where you can create a little extra storage and make things much more convenient to access.

Think outside the box a bit, and you can find the perfect shelving for any space. In addition to curio cabinets, the shelf units at the office supply store are among the narrowest I've seen. The wall-mounted display shelves in the bathroom aisle of the home improvement store are great, too. Who says they have to be used only in the bathroom?

Baseball is a metaphor for life

For the past 46 years, I have been in a "mixed" marriage. 

When I first met my husband, he was wearing a tee shirt that said "Boston Red Sox World Series Champs—1918." I showed him my Mickey Mantle scrapbook and we decided that it was love at first pitch. Right. Then came June, September and October. Baseball was up front and personal.  We had two boys, both of whom played baseball. We tried to teach them that baseball was an "in the moment" game. 1986 brought the Red Sox to the World Series and Bill Buckner went into the record books in the 6th game and the NY Mets won in the 7th game. Pain. I think it was then that my Red Sox rooter finally gave up...until 2004 when his beloved team won the World Series. 

Meanwhile, I began to understand that baseball really is a metaphor for life. It is a game that requires each player to realize that they must be present and in the moment at all times. Each play is unlike the ones before. Each player is at bat only for right then and there. 

Here are some quotes that really resonated with me, from some folks in an online forum discussion several years ago on The Bark Board at Fresno State College, about baseball being a metaphor for life:

It's not always fair, get over it...there's a bit of chance involved. Embrace the idea that not everything is in your control. Dwelling on yesterday's success or failure only distracts you from today’s purpose, so let the past go. Your most important asset is an absolutely unshakable belief in yourself. There’s no pre-determined time limit, the game’s not over until the final out, and until then ANYTHING is possible, so don’t ever give up.   

You can strike out, yet still hustle your way on base and help your team. Very small things can have a very large impact on outcomes, so pay attention to the details. Your teammates celebrate the selflessness of a sacrifice and they lift you up even when you fail. In your darkest moments, when everything seems stacked against you, the most important thing you can do is to reach out and lift up one of your teammates. You can succeed only 30% of the time and still be a hero, so don't ever be discouraged by or fear failure.  Accept failure as a natural part of striving for and succeeding at difficult and worthwhile goals.  

You think the game is all about numbers and results. But then you discover that everyone around you has a deep, unspoken, almost spiritual belief in the mysticism of the game...they all wear their hats inside out in unison to 'will' a timely success by a teammate, or huddle together at one end of the dugout away from a teammate who's having a perfect game.  If someone hits you on purpose, disrespects you or the game, you can rest assured your teammates will soon deliver a 'reminder' to that someone that their actions DO have direct consequences. If you get into a fight with your opponent, you will be instantly surrounded and protected by ALL your teammates and coaches, regardless of whether they like you or not. 

And after you’re gone from the game, the examples you set—how hard work and unwavering commitment can overcome adversity, how to inspire your teammates through enthusiasm, dedication, and humility, and how to be humble in victory—have a far more profound and lasting impact on the life of a child than how many home runs you hit or how many batters you struck out.

Thanks for all the great memories and life lessons, Major League Baseball. Now my husband and I cheer together for our local team, the San Francisco Giants!

Getting organized: 10 tips for keeping the clutter at bay

Reducing clutter in your home is a daily commitment, from being more mindful of what we're bringing into the house to practicing that old adage, "a place for everything and everything in its place."

It's not always easy. Life takes over and we get busy...which is precisely when clutter takes over and we get buried.

But clutter and stress go hand in hand...we need plenty of clean, open space to breathe, to clear our minds, and to feel more motivated and inspired.

According to feng shui expert Karen Kingston... "Clutter is stuck energy. The word 'clutter' derives from the Middle English word 'clotter,' which means to coagulate...and that's about as stuck as you can get."

Here are 10 random tips for preventing some of the more typical clutter from getting too close for comfort:

1.  Place a recycling bin close to your mailbox and immediately toss the daily junk mail and sales ads so they never even make it into the house.

2.  Place decorative trays or baskets in the high-clutter zones as catch-alls...near the house phone, the coffee table, the nightstand, your desk, that table or counter closest to the front and back doors. When they get full, take a few minutes to sort, toss, or put away whatever's inside.

3.  If you have a multi-level home, keep a basket at the top of the stairs and another at the bottom to temporarily hold things that are upstairs but belong downstairs (and vice versa), so you can make fewer trips running up and down to put things away.

4.  Look for interesting recipes for "one-dish" meals to prepare more often to cut down on the dirty dishes.

5.  Save your receipts when you make purchases and don't be afraid of that twinge of buyer's remorse when it happens, even if it's several months later. If you don't need it or you haven't used it, just return it.

6.  Fold and/or hang your clothes right as you pull them out of the dryer. Not only will you have fewer wrinkles, the clothes are more likely to go directly to the bureau or closet instead of the sofa or bed.

7.  Assign one and only one credit card to use for any online, mail order or TV shopping you might do. Seeing all your transactions in one place makes it easier to spot when you're making too many impulse buys (either that or your credit limit will hit faster and shut you off, lol)

8.  Consider paying more bills online to reduce your snail mail and paper filing.

9.  Consider switching to online subscriptions for your favorite newspapers and magazines and save a few trees in the process.

10.  Give yourself just one "free space" in your house or garage to allow clutter to accumulate...the corner of a bedroom, one shelf unit, a drawer, a hall closet. When it gets full, then it's time to sort, toss, put away.

Polst and Molst: Is it a new beer?

A few days ago I asked the following on our Facebook page: "Do you know what a Polst or Molst is?" One of the responses I received was "Is it a new beer?" Nice try, Doug...but no, it is not a new beer.
T summarizes the patients’ wishes in the form of physician orders for end-of-life care. The POLST document is a standardized, portable, brightly-colored single page form which documents a conversation between a doctor and a seriously ill patient or their surrogate decision-maker. As a medical order, the POLST form is always signed by a doctor and, depending upon their state, the patient.
After the apparently newsworthy event in Southern California about the 87 year-old woman who was specifically not given CPR following her collapse, I decided it might be a good time to educate as many people as possible about the POLST and/or MOLST documents.

POLST stands for Physician Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment and MOLST stands for Medical Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment. 

Let's take a look at them...they are essentially the same thing.

From Wikipedia:  

Unlike advance directives, a POLS

One benefit of a POLST form over a standard Advance Directive is that the POLST form is designed to be actionable throughout an entire community. It is immediately recognizable and can be used by doctors and first responders (including paramedics, fire departments, police, emergency rooms, hospitals and nursing homes). POLST forms should be filled out for all patients with life-limiting illnesses or progressive frailty. A pragmatic rule for initiating a POLST can be if the clinician would not be surprised if the patient were to die within one year. 

POLST provides explicit guidance to health professionals under predictable future circumstances. POLST can build on an advance directive but can also function in the absence of an advance directive. If the individual lacks decisional capacity, a surrogate can engage in the conversation and the consent process that forms the basis of the POLST process. It is currently promoted in over 26 states through national and statewide initiatives.

So Dougie and all you other beer drinkers, it is time to get your POLST/MOLST buzz on!  ;-) 

Click here to see if your state is participating in the POLST program and download a form.

Preparing for loss...facing the future

In last week's Desert Sun News, there was an article from Maryeleanor, who recently lost her husband of 49 years, that really hit home. She described all the things they had done together as a couple to prepare for the inevitable, such as writing their wills and planning what kind of church service they'd want. 

Then she goes on to say that in the first three months after his death, she had 87 major issues to take care of without him, over 60 of which involved multiple complications. All the extra stress of these issues compounded her grief and completely overwhelmed her.

The number 87 seems like a lot, right? Nearly every single day of those first three months, she had to deal with something really important, that not only might her husband normally have handled, but the resources and information required to handle it were not at her disposal. Maybe it was a password that was only in his head, or bills that were in his name alone, or discovering there were no instructions anywhere for how to set the automatic lawn sprinklers. Surviving loss is hard enough emotionally without a logistical nightmare on top of it...when was Maryeleanor allowed the down-time she needed to adjust and grieve?

The article really expressed what is so valuable about Terry's workbook, Caring is Not Enough. There is just SO much more to think about then just funeral arrangements when someone you love is nearing the end of their life. Even if you're all young and healthy, you still have to be realistic about planning for a possible emergency too. Just caring about each other during a health crisis is not enough.

You all need to spend some time reviewing lots of details and thinking about all the "what if 's" and writing it all down somewhere. But once you can get past the discomfort of having such a conversation, then how in the world do you come up with possibly 87 different "what if 's?"

Terry's workbook has over 150 questions for families to consider and discuss during "the conversation." That's 150+ possible "what if 's" from legal to financial to household issues and more.

Sit down together and write as many answers as you can in the workbook. For questions you can't answer, you now have a handy list of issues to look into further. Tell the person who you want to take charge of things in your absence where the workbook is stored.

With this workbook, all the resources and information someone needs to get through those first few months are in one simple place. I know it's easy to keep thinking "oh there's time, I'll deal with all that later." But later might be too late. I don't want to make anyone in my family go through what Maryeleanor went through...do you?

Art journaling to quiet the monkey mind

Buddha described the human mind as being filled with drunken monkeys clamoring about. He said that our brains jump from thought to thought like monkeys jump from tree to tree. 

My monkey mind really kicks in at night, when I really should be getting to bed. But I start thinking about things I want to do, things I'm stressed about, things I'm excited about. 

Meditation is key...I learned how to practice zazen meditation and it takes a lot of practice to get the hang of it, but I like trying. The sleep experts say to avoid staring at the light of the TV or computer before bed, but my monkeys don't seem to care much about that. 

What I've found to work well for me right before lights-out is art journaling. Sometimes it's just doodling and jotting down words in non-sequitur fashion, sometimes it's more earnest or heartfelt drawing and writing. 

I don't necessarily try to be creative or artistic. I just try to empty my mind by extracting one or two thoughts from the jumble and thinking about how these thoughts makes me feel, how important are they? What words are forming these thoughts? What imagery comes to mind? 

The process of getting some of those monkeys out of the trees and down on to the paper feels good. The rest of my thoughts subside and my mind really quiets down. All I'm focused on for a nice, long stretch is just the letters, lines and colors coming from my pen, pencil or paintbrush. Then my mind is clear, I am relaxed, and I fall asleep quickly.

The steadfastness of orchids

Every year about this time, we see the emergence of flower stalks on our cymbidium orchids. How I love to sit in the living room and gaze out at the delicate flowers with their myriad of colors. They look so perfect as they rise up the stem. They last quite a long time, perhaps 2-3 months. Sometimes I will cut a stem, bring it inside and place it in a long slender vase. Perfect.

Flowering orchids remind me of me. Although these plants are tough...they seem to enjoy companionship. They like to be held tight in their pots with new shoots coming up around the older bulbs. They like to bloom on cue and offer spectacular displays. I try to bloom on cue and though the display may not be so spectacular, at least you know I am always there! Steady and earth mother. I love being around our children and their young families...all shoots coming from my husband and me. Tight within the nuclear family...everyone blooming in their different ways and showing the world their beauty.

What are your favorite flowers and how do you relate to them?

Getting organized: Listmaker, listmaker, make me a list!

Nothing beats a good old-fashioned checklist for getting everything you need to do corralled into one place so you feel a little less overwhelmed.

For household issues, I like to use a yellow legal pad. Every time I come across something that needs to be cleaned, fixed, filed, replaced, removed, redecorated, de-cluttered, reorganized... I write it on the list. It may not get done right away, but I don't have to fret about it because I know it won't be forgotten. It's on the list.

But what never ceases to amaze me is how one item on the list can actually become several tasks. For example, I need to replace the drapery rod bracket that fell out over my sliding glass door. Should be an easy thing to do, right? Well...maybe not.

To do:  Replace drapery rod bracket

• Find the screw that fell out and rolled under the sofa
• Buy a safer, taller stepladder - the one I have is too short and wobbly
• Charge the electric drill and look for the phillips screwdriver drill bit
• Discover that my jar of spackle is hard as a rock. Buy new spackle to fill the hole and cover the bright blue drywall anchor forever lodged inside the wall
• Since the curtains are down, may as well wash and press them
• Realize that one reason it all fell down was because the curtains are too heavy for the light-duty rod
• Wait for coupon to come in mail for favorite home decor store, then go buy new rod system
• Two weeks have passed...need to charge the drill again and re-press the curtains that got creased while draped over the chair all this time
• The "knocking" technique is not turning up the location of a couple studs to ensure the new rod brackets never fall out...need to borrow somebody's stud finder
• Give up and add it to a different list of things I need to hire a handyman to do for me

Oh well, so my family room gets a little more light, lol. 

I still feel better knowing everything I need to do is on a list. If one task gets frustrating, I'll just move on down to another task that I can actually complete and feel good about it!

"Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful."  

—William Morris

Falling—yes I'm falling...

No, not the old song...I am talking about falling down.

One of the most serious things that can happen to a senior is a fall. For people over 65, falling is one of the most expensive medical costs to the government.

Back in the year 2000, the direct medical cost totaled $179 million dollars for fatal and $19 trillion dollars for non-fatal falls. Goodness knows what it is now.

With our rapidly aging population, it is wise to look at ways to reduce the risk of falling. If you are over 65, or if you have an elderly relative, check out these ideas:

1.  By doing regular physical activity, you can increase your balance and your lower body strength. Check out the local Senior Center or gym for classes to help you. Perhaps you can get a DVD from the library on exercise or yoga  for seniors.

2. Since most falls occur in the home, have an evaluation done of your home to see what simple corrections can be made to increase your safety. You might appreciate grab bars in the bathtub and shower, secure railings on both sides of the stairs, new lighting in dark areas and removal of slippery area rugs.

The idea of aging is not for sissies, as we already know, but you can certainly improve your chances of staying upright with these simple ideas. Is there anything that you have done to increase your safety in your home?

Playing cards and "The Conversation"

Do you have a relative who likes to play cards? Go Wish is a terrific game, I have seen it and played it.

As described their website, "Go Wish gives you an easy, even entertaining, way to find the words to talk about what is important if you were to be living a life that may be shortened by serious illness. Playing the game with your relatives or friends can help you learn how you can best comfort them when they need you most."

"Each deck has 36 cards, 35 of which describe things that might be important when you are very sick or dying, such as how you want to be treated, who you want nearby, and what matters most to you. The last card is "wild" and stands for something you want that isn't on any of the other cards."

Go Wish is a perfect way to start "The Conversation!"

Getting organized: Creating a workspace

www.houzz.com

Whether you are working from home full-time or you just need a decent place to sit down to pay your bills each month...everyone needs a well-organized work space at home. But it can be a challenge to carve out a spot if you don't have an extra room to dedicate as your office. 

There are so many inspiring blogs and websites filled with great ideas for carving out a work space in any room (just search on "convert closet to office" for example) and Pinterest has loads of inspiration, too.

Recently I was quoted in a very nice article by Lindsay Olson on the US News blog about how to set up a spot for working at home, even if you have limited space. Below is the full text of my tips that she excerpted for her article. 

1. Forget the guest room—As nice as it is to accommodate the occasional overnight visitor with their own private space, you'll get so much more out of that room by accommodating yourself and your dreams for working from home. If you want the room to do double-duty, buy one of those modern foam loveseats or chairs that convert to a small bed.

2.  Convert a closet—It's easy to do yourself with a few bucks and a trip to your local home improvement store. Take off the sliding doors, pull out the shelf and hanger rod, and install some modular cubes with a sheet of painted plywood to create a desk with storage space above and below. If you want to be able to close it off, install foldable shutter doors, or hang some pretty drapes from a tension rod.

3.  Use a rolling cart—Replace the legs with castor wheels on a small bedroom nightstand that has a drawer and cupboard space. Move it with you to wherever you and your laptop are comfortable sitting - the dining table, the sofa, your favorite recliner.

4.  Convert an armoire or entertainment hutch—Armoires look nice in any room when not in use. Place lightweight tower shelves and/or hanging sweater racks in the tall space for files and office supply storage. Even if you're using an open-shelf entertainment center, you can keep it from being an eyesore with coordinating baskets, trays, and storage cubes.

This is part of my weekly series of posts on getting organized - click here to see the tips you might have missed!

America's Got Talent!

Last night we had the opportunity to go to dinner and a show at Yoshi's in San Francisco. The dinner was delicious and the show was fantastic. I hope you take the time to watch this video...Lawrence Beamen is the singer and last night I saw him in person, his voice was one of the most beautiful I have ever heard.

What is interesting to me is the amazing range of talented individuals we have in this world. Lawrence was a boy growing up in Mississippi when it was recognized that his wonderful voice was something that should be showcased. His singing was mostly done in his church, but eventually grew into a career. How many people start with just a hint of talent and are able to develop it fully? It seems like we get so caught up in life, that often our God-given gifts go unrealized.

If you have something special that you love to do, by all means follow that path. It may be later in life or it may be right now, but whenever your passion shows up, make sure you follow it.

By the way, what do you love to do?

Getting organized: Make use of vertical space

Free up drawer space and keep lots of doo-dads handy by making better use of your wall space.

I installed this set of magnetic spice tins above the countertop beside my desk. You can find these tins in lots of different home stores for a reasonable price...but I had coupons, of course! The clear lids fit snugly and show the contents inside.

I took apart an old combo magnet/dry-erase board and cut the thin metal surface into two narrow strips (be careful, the edges are sharp). I nailed the strips flush against the wall right underneath a row of shelves, so the tins are at eye-level and arm's reach when I'm sitting at my desk.

It's a great use of what would typically be dead space below a shelf and it's easy to see exactly what I need and remove the tin to take it out.

I store sewing and craft supplies in my set of tins...buttons, brads, charms, pins. They're also great for office supplies or all that stuff floating around in that one crazy kitchen drawer we all have.

There is nothing like a newborn baby!

Looking like the grandma that I am, I treasured the moment when I held a new grandbaby in my arms.

Less than a week old, he slept warmly and soundly as I had the opportunity to cuddle and kiss. How quickly time has flown! He is now a bouncing 27-month-old with so much to say and so much to do. We visit him every week and treasure the time we spend with him.

But time has simply flown by. Our other two grandbabies, who I also held and kissed and cuddled, are now 11 and 9. We get to visit with them when they are not busy with their sports and friends....which is not too often. It is always a treat and makes us realize how very important family is to us.

One thing that we want to do for our family is make sure that we have everything in order for them when they need it most. A simple solution is to get organized...just like with your pantry in the post below. Think about it...and do it. For your family.

Getting organized: The chaos of cans in the cupboard

This is the first in a weekly series of tips and inspiration for your home and family that we'll post each Wednesday.

Getting and keeping your home organized can be challenging at first...but we're here to help you with quick, easy and affordable ways to tame the clutter and make life a little easier for you and your family.

Your home can be both a calm sanctuary and a hub of activity when you put that old adage to the test:  a place for everything, and everything in its place. Keeping things organized in your home can save you time and money, reduce your daily stress, and give you a sense of calm even when you're busy.

I used to think that organizing every little thing was either a waste of time or just way too anal-retentive.  I've never personally reached "hoarder" status, but I have learned that having too much stuff in too many places was a significant trigger for anxiety and stress. It has a cumulative effect...you don't notice it at first. Not being able to find what you need, buying more of what you forgot you already have, staring at so much stuff on any given surface or in any given cabinet...it just becomes your new normal.

I started realizing just how stressed and annoyed I was, just how out of balance I was, and just how overwhelming it felt when things were not in order. I needed some zen anywhere I could find it, even in someplace as mundane as my kitchen pantry.

So that's where we begin. I have a small kitchen with a tiny pantry cupboard that I like to keep as full as possible so when I want to avoid grocery shopping for a while, I can. But it was always messy in there, and hard to tell what I had versus what I need, and hard to find just the right snack when I was feeling peckish.

Ahhh...doesn't the right side look so much better than the left side? It only took me about 20 minutes to make this transformation...all I needed to do was raise the top shelf one notch to make better use of the vertical space with two sets of adjustable tri-level risers from Bed, Bath & Beyond (I had a coupon burning a hole in my pocket!).

I put all the snacky foods on the bottom shelf and gathered all the individual snack bars and such into a large plastic container. Everything else is grouped together on the other two shelves...all the soups on the right, all the pasta with the sauces, etc. The only things I took out were the oil and vinegar bottles - I found a nicer home for them on a shelf above the stove.

Now I can see exactly everything I have at a glance, which makes meal planning and grocery shopping go so much faster...no more guesswork, and no more digging in the back to figure out what that mystery can is.

Why end-of-life planning is so important

We'd like to share some excerpts of letters that Terry has received over the years from people who have bought her workbook...their stories might be your story, too.

"My sister and I are caring for our 89-year-old mother who's losing her memory, and we need to know what affairs to get in order. What a blessing to have a real check-list, instead of just floundering around from one crisis to another!"

"My middle-aged children, who think they will live forever, especially need your book. Several of them will fall in line to settle estates and perhaps with your book we'll see some things we've missed."

"I know I have waited too long to take care of these important matters and I feel your book will be a great place to start catching up. I have taken care of several issues, but need to be more diligent in tucking in the loose ends. My husband passed away very unexpectedly twenty years ago, and I found out too late that we had failed to cover all the matters. I don't want my children to be faced with this dilemma when I pass on."

"I lost my 42-year-old son three years ago and the things I went through will forever be in my mind. He had no will and lots of debt with his business. Fortunately I got referred to a good estate attorney who helped me take care of everything, so that I know in my heart that he didn't owe anything to anyone...which was what I needed to do for my son's memory."

"People must prepare. Our own tragedy is that our adult son thought he was too young at 43 to make a will and share all the financial details with his wife. When he was killed in an accident, she was left without a clue and could not find all the documents needed to be secure. Since he was a computer wizard, everything was kept there, but he didn't leave a trail of passwords so a lot of information is lost."

Making a splash!

www.poolandspa.com

Every day I try to make a splash. Not in the conventional way you might think. I do not go on stage and sing Broadway songs. I do not usually cook a fantastic gourmet meal for dinner. I do not dress in evening attire and greet my husband at the door.

Nope. Not me.

I go to the pool. All winter long to an outside pool. It is cold in the air but the pool is 82 degrees. Sometimes I go to water aerobic classes and sometimes I go to swim laps.The water classes are lots of fun with dancing, music and many friends.They last an hour and by the time we are done I am feeling pretty peppy. For an old gal.

I find the whole thing relaxing and it sure does help me move my joints. Even the artificial ones!

What kind of exercise do you do for yourself?

Do you allow yourself to start over each day?

My husband Jeff, in front of some people who inspire him

After watching the Inauguration of President Obama today, it occurred to me that we, as individuals, are always "starting over." I don't know about you, but when it comes to the New Year I have a feeling of freshness and a skip in my step.

I will go to the gym almost every day (although not today because I have laundry to do); I will make sure that I remember everyone's birthday (thank goodness Facebook is there to remind me of many); I will challenge myself to make all the exciting and new ideas that I have envisioned come true.

I do not know how I plan to accomplish any or all of the above. I do know that I feel the renewed sense of mission and will somehow find the will to do my best to succeed.

My children are independent and doing just fine. My grandchildren are flourishing and happy with their lives. My husband is retired and deserves to refresh and renew his interests as much as I do. We travel to places near and far and we enjoy the trips and the time we spend together.

We started as a married couple 45-1/2 years ago. Every day we got to start anew. Each day brought different thoughts and ideas to my mind and I tried to give them my energy and attention. It is not always possible, but I tried.

So today I am starting over again. Now I look to new and inspiring stories to guide me on my way. I think I can do this. How about you?